OCT 28, 2020I'm being dishonest with myself

I'm super excited to have slowly come to the realization that I've been very dishonest with myself. I've just gone down the rabbit hole again - Decide I'm going to do something, get started with it, don't go in deep early, get distracted along the way, get myself entrnched into other unimportant things, realizes suddenly that time has gone by and those things don't matter, reposition myself back to square one. It's all the same viscious cycle.

Why an I doing all this to myself really? Why? After a lot of pondering and thinking, it's plain obvious because of one thing, - I keep lying to myself, and this has made it so hard for me to learn from my mistakes.

From leaving the most important thing to do with Camara, to going to go and setup Notion workspace, reading and researching more than doing the work, forming a so-called team, rigmaroll, in Docusaurus and Dokz, mumu with other documentation site, explore Framer, leave styled components for Stitches, and then abandon the project.

I've had the chance to reboot all over again and start from scratch yet, I'm starting to make the same mistake again, with Dokz, Stitches, Framer, etc. I just don't learn. After announcing this project since Monday, May 11th (6 months ago) thats after experiementing briefly with the idea on April 15th about a month earlier. If only I had minded the most important things from the very first day, in 6-months, I should be really proud of where I am now.

Same thing with my learning of NodeJS and AWS...it's the same cycle all over again, distracting myself with MERN stack, PostgreSQL, GraphQL, Python etc, when my only job is to learn how to build RESTful APIs in Express and MongoDB and nothing else. I just don't learn.

The odds are that if I don't really commit to learning from my mistakes, I'd be saying this same thing 6 months into 2021.